Frozen
by Aaridys Tuscany
Summary: Kurama reflects on the time he has spent with Hiei and how he percieves the demon's feelings towards life.


Notes:  This is a short Hiei/Kurama (non-yaoi) song-fic that popped in my head at work.  Kurama is reflecting on the behaviour of the fire demon and his relationship with him.

Copyrights: The song "Frozen" belongs to the ever-changing Madonna of course, Yuyu Akusho belongs to some other rich people and the idea for the story (not that there is any plot) belongs to me.

Frozen 

By Aaridys

_You only see what your eyes want to see._

_How can life be what you want it to be?_

_You're frozen,_

When your heart's not open. 

            I don't think there was ever one moment he was truly happy.  Of course, he prided himself in experiencing "fun" each time his flame destroyed something; it could be anything… or anyone as a matter of fact.  He made himself believe he was content with his existence. Blinded by his thirst for power, his only true goal was to master his tenebrous dragon; he kept going, surviving much more than living and I always admired it.  He never spoke of his feelings, if ever he had any; once again, he found great pride in exhibiting the less emotions possible.  It suited him in the end, his nature kept the others at bay.  I suppose it was his way of being happy.

            In the beginning, I fooled myself in believing he masqueraded all of it; displaying scorn to better hide love, friendship or other feelings he qualified as "human" and treated with disdain.  But my innocence was soon discarded as I discovered in Hiei a touch of true demon.  How could he be blamed?  He was following his nature… although… after wandering so much, fighting, struggling, sharing unique moments at his side, I am now able to see in him more than the iciness he has shrouded himself with.

_You're so consumed with how much you get._

_You waste your time with hate and regret._

_You're frozen,_

_When you're heart's not open._

            Hiei thrives in confusion and struggles.  His existence and his joy of fighting attain their peak each time he is faced with a strong challenge.  On the other hand, nothing else is worthy of his attention and discarded quickly.  With undying pride and hate, he will pursue any who stumbles across his path, giving no second thoughts to the actions he places afterwards.  In the end, the only thing that matters is the results; the soothing he seems to find in destroying everything and everyone.

            It saddens me today to see how much of his existence Hiei has let pass by, consumed by a hatred for living beings that would never be resolved.  By refusing to abide of his hate of life, he has lurched furthermore into what I saw as a struggle to find a long lost peace.  If only he could hear me now… how he would laugh disdainfully and once more tease me for my soft feelings towards humankind.

_If I could melt your heart,_

_We'd never be apart._

_Give yourself to me,_

_You hold the key._

            Today, I have learned it is not my place to try and make Hiei see all that he is missing by acting so cold.  Instead, I content myself by dropping small hints, by acting innocent, sometimes even ignorant.  He is not stupid though and knows exactly each time I pretend being less than I am; he never mentions it though and it gives me the faint hope that maybe he gives thought to my words.  There is a limit to what I would allow myself to say to Hiei.  It is not my place to change his existence, only him has that power.  I can only watch and hope.

_Now there's no point in placing the blame,_

_And you should know I suffer the same._

_If I loose you,_

_My heart will be broken._

            From the very first day we met, Hiei believed it was my fault we engaged in wanderings and journeys that kept bringing back to Earth.  I became the medium between his unspoken feelings and the outside world.  Through me, Hiei found it possible to see the world from another vantage point, a point where he could let his guard down and still be secure.  It is how I became his emotional shield, in some sort of odd way.

            This quality I had to express what remained unspoken also linked me with Hiei in a way that goes beyond simple bonds of friendship.  As he felt across me, so did I through him.  As the centuries passed by, Hiei and I developed a link so strong that today, the very thought of breaking it is unbearable.  We have fought side by side so many times that words are no longer useful; only the bond lives.

_Love is a bird; she needs to fly._

_Let all the hurt inside of you die._

_You're frozen,_

_When your heart's not open._

            It is ironic to see how a fire demon can act so cold.  Today, I know enough about Hiei to find in his usual snarls and half-smiles various expressions of his emotions.  In the depths of my heart, I know the fire demon has changed in the presence of Yusuke and his friends although he'd never admit it.  This strange human boy has fascinated Hiei from the very first time he saw him and I truly believe both share the bond of the warrior.  I am certain that from the very few, very swift first moments they met, Yusuke and Hiei agreed silently to live by each other's sides, forging alliances when necessary.  Naturally, both Hiei and Yusuke would surely kill me for speaking such words.

_If I could melt your heart,_

_We'd never be apart._

_Give yourself to me,_

_You hold the key._

            Again, there is irony in Hiei being a fire demon born from an Ice Woman's tribe.  Then again, it is true that any sons born from such women bear the heritage of their fathers.  I never knew Hiei's father and I don't belive Hiei knew him either.  The only thoughts he has about his family, if such a thing can be said of Hiei, are tinted with vengeance and hatred.  Apart from Yukina, destroying the place of his birth has been one of Hiei's greatest goals throughout his existence.  His thirst for revenge drove him out from the woods of Hell and gave him the strength to fight; fight to live, fight to survive and most of all I believe, fight to gain what had been taken away from him.

            From his mistmatched origins, Hiei has inherited both major qualities; power, most of all, from his unknown father and detachment, from his mother.  The Ice Women are renowned for their isolation, they seek to be invisible to all as to not wound themselves or mix their bloodlines.  Hiei always worked alone.  He may stand my presence because of many years of wandering together but in a fight, never shall Hiei cooperate; it is one on one and nothing else.  Seiryuu was one of the first to experience the powerful mix of Hiei's inherent qualities and he paid dearly for such a demonstration.  To kill with such efficiency, nothing must cross your mind but the present; no doubts alowed.

_You only see what your eyes want to see._

_How can life be what you want it to be?_

_You're frozen,_

When your heart's not open. 

            Every time I saw him fight in the past, I saw him consume his hatred a little more.  Now, after Hiei met Yusuke, Kuwabara, Koenma and the others, every time I see him fight, I see him enjoying every moment of it until he might burst with the weight of his pride.  Pride may not be an all-good thing but to him, it is all that he needs.  Hiei might miss out much on the world by shutting it out but he cannot help the changes that himself brings around and therefore, must adapt to them afterwards.  So in a way, Hiei is changing himself and no other.  Ironic how this comes full circle and how I would be doomed for the rest of my existence for even thinking of such things.  Well, Hiei has been my companion long enough for me to see that even though there have been minor transformations in him, some things will never change: Hiei is a perfect killer, a powerful demon and a frozen soul.

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            This story has been written in two parts, the first was written about a year ago and the second completed just recently, therefore, there may be some lapses in the median paragraphs where the change will be perceptible.  I am sorry for any bother this might cause, I really like doing song-fics, even though they're sappy and all but I have not been around writing for quite some time and finally decided to at least finish the stories which I have started (most of them being enormous 10-chaptered monsters, save me!) and maybe brush up my skills once more, to see if I can come up with something nice for a change!  So, I bow low to you all readers and take my leave.  I pray that you have enjoyed this story and leave a review.  Until the next, Aaridys Tuscany. 


End file.
